A Happy and Thankful Life

Keep treading

The last few days have been a bit of a struggle for me. Mostly, I’m reminded of what is missing and what we celebrated last March. There are many days that I wish I could feel his arms around me and hear him say “It will be okay. I love you.” That won’t happen so I need to suck it up and just deal. I’m thankful for my friends and family that continue to support me. But it’s just not the same. They aren’t John.


Long drive

I’m writing this post from my phone; please forgive any typing errors!

It is late at night and I’m trying to sleep in a Georgia hotel room. Today could have been worse, much worse. I’m making my first trip solo to visit Florida. John and I made this trip together at Christmas for 5 of the 6 years we were together. The one year we didn’t make the trip was because he had relapsed weeks after our wedding. We also missed our honeymoon cruise that year.

I missed him telling me, as I frantically do everything last minute, “that it will be okay” and “next time, start earlier!”. I miss the switch-ups during the drive and his particular nature of where and when we fill up. I miss our converstations about things we see along the way or hear on the radio. I miss my driving partner.

But I’m also reminding myself of the positives. His family welcomes me into their home and life. I had a safe drive. I missed the majority of Atlanta rush hour traffic. I had more than enough water and caffeine. I was able to distract myself from what I was missing with books on cd – they saved my overthinking mind. My boss supports me and makes it possible for me to take time off to make this trip. This is a new adventure – I’ve never made this drive or visit in March.

I’m looking forward to this visit….and to both the laughter and tears.