A Happy and Thankful Life



Be Gone 2011

I am thankful that 2011 is almost over. A mere two hours until 2012 begins with hope and promise.

2011 has been a wretched year not only for me but for many of my close friends and family. Loved ones have died, jobs and livelihoods have been lost,  and terrifying accidents have marked this year.

 But through the pain, there have been bright spots. I’m blessed to have close friends and family that support me. At no time have any of them told me that I’m grieving wrong or I shouldn’t talk about J or I shouldn’t cry. They listened. They didn’t judge. I’m grateful for that and will try to do better this year to do the same for them. While they have been kind and generous of themselves, I haven’t always been the best friend I could have been. I often don’t feel worthy of such kindness but I continue to be immensely grateful for it.

I’ve also learned that going outside my comfort zone has been beneficial. While the intent may have been to distract myself, the results have helped keep me moving. Kayaking on the Catawaba River a month after J passed filled me with such peace that I wasn’t expecting but desperately needed. The Widow Support Group has given me an outlet and the knowledge that everything I’m thinking and experiencing is normal. I’m not alone. Their words of wisdom help block out the few people in my life that feel that I should just get over it. I’m taking classes that I skipped in the past because I didn’t think I’d be good enough at it. While I may be taking the class to force myself to leave work on time, it is far more entertaining than I expected. I’m already signed up for the next class in February. This has been a very useful tool in helping me get through this year.

In the end, we’ve survived. I’ve survived. My heart may still be broken and I may struggle through the day, but step by step, I’ve managed to somehow muddle through 2011.

My hope is that 2012 brings my friends and family more bright spots than dark. I will continue to grieve and miss J but will heal. I will make some changes and try to enjoy life. I will resume writing. I will take more time to be there for those that have been there for me. I will breathe. I will live. I will survive.

Be gone 2011 and let the door hit you hard on the way out – you deserve it for the pain that this year has caused.

2012 bring your happiness. There are quite a few of us that need it.

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Comments

  1. * Danielle says:

    Awww. Nikki. This made me cry, and for the few who think you should “get over it” they should be left behind in 2011 as well. Time will heal, but the years still come and go, and you will always remember and miss the ones lost. It is part of who you are and who you will be that will help you through. Only YOU need to please YOU. And just having you around, and keeping in touch is enough. Love ya Cuz

    | Reply Posted 5 years, 9 months ago
    • * nmlynn says:

      Thank you for your sweet words Danielle. Love you too! And you know me…it’s hard for me to just do something for me. But I’m working on it and getting better.

      | Reply Posted 5 years, 9 months ago
  2. * Tammy Rife says:

    I have loved getting to know my brother through your perspective. Sharing your memories have helped me to grieve these past six months. Thank you for being so authentic with where you are. You are thought of often and prayed for much. I so admire the women you are. I hope you have blessed New Year.

    | Reply Posted 5 years, 9 months ago
    • * nmlynn says:

      Thank you Tammy. I’m glad that you find something positive in my writing. You may give me too much credit as I’m not sure I should be admired. But for better or for worse, I’m trying hard to write what I think and feel right now. I’m thinking of you and Jaz both.

      | Reply Posted 5 years, 9 months ago


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