A Happy and Thankful Life

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Today I’m thankful for perspective. It is something that I’m working hard to have. Some days are easier than others.

I had a conversation at work today that reminded me of the importance of  perspective and outlook. I wrote earlier about getting what you need, not necessarily what you think you want. Life is far from easy. unfortunately horrible and tragic events happen. The most challenging tend to be the things that we have no control over. Some months and even some years are ones that are best forgotten. 2011 is that for me.

 I won’t ever say that these happenings are good or fate. I don’t believe that. For my situation, there is nothing good about what happened when J passed. It was out of his control and nothing could have changed that.  But we do decide how to deal and cope with things.

Our perspective helps us to get through these rough times. J called himself realistic. I used to be very optimistic. But when the leukemia entered our lives, he started to turn more towards optimistic and positive in regards to his health and loved ones. He remained realistic and opinionated when it came to current events, politics and sports. Whereas I internally became more realistic and fearful. There were a few times that he mentioned that I had lost a bit of my carefree and optimistic nature. My laugh and smile wasn’t quite the same. He didn’t like that this uncontrollable aspect of our lives had done that to me. But that was necessary. We believed in the power of  a positive attitude. Not in curing the cancer but in helping the body and spirit to cope with the cancer and the impact of treatment. We were both positive but in different ways that helped us cope with our new normal.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not as lighthearted and joyful as I used to be. But I’m purposely trying to find something positive and something to be thankful for each day. To help my perspective. It is easy to find something to be upset and bitter about. And I do have my moments. But those normally rear their ugly heads when I miss him the most. When the realization of all that I lost hits me the hardest. But I remind myself that J would not want me to become a bitter, hateful person. I’m not that person. I just miss him.

I have a choice in how I live my life. I can choose to be bitter and hateful for what I don’t have. Or I can choose to be grateful and thankful for the life I had with J. I made the decision in June to honor him and do my best live a thankful life. It hasn’t been easy and I don’t imagine that it will get easier any time soon. But it will. I trust that it will.

It is all about perspective and the choices I make. There is a silver lining. I just have to wait for the fog and storm clouds to clear.



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