words to reflect

Today I decided to leave the apartment for a few hours. I used to be okay with randomly roaming around stores with no end goal. It was a release for me. I did it often in college during breaks when I needed some time to destress. I did it when I traveled as it was fun to people watch and be around people but not be forced to interact. I haven’t really had the energy to do that lately. Instead of escape, the stores give proof of everything that my heart aches for. Not the items for sale, but the couples, the families, the food that J prefered, the videogames that he would be playing, the gifts that we would have bought each other. I don’t have him to call to bounce ideas off of as I’m walking through the store. I don’t have his voice of reason when I’m trying to justify a purchase. Stores are very different now and I’m not quite strong enough for it yet.

Today, I had a goal to find a suitcase for my trip in a few weeks.  In one store, I saw a series of pictures that made my heart a bit calmer. I didn’t leave the store with a purchase but with these pictures. I’m happy with that.

 

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