A Happy and Thankful Life



on the tv

I struggled with what to write today. It was a normal day. Or rather what has become my normal. Home, work, home.

Sometimes I forget that the world continues to move on even when I feel as though I’m standing still. In my mind, I know that days pass, seasons change, things change. My heart is a different story. In my heart, my world stopped June 24th. Or rather, April 24th when J relapsed. Nothing has been the same since.

Tonight, the new season line-up began. And that is what I’m thankful for. Stay with me on this one…I’ll explain why. J was not able to watch last season’s finales. We had DVR’d them to watch together when he came home. That didn’t happen. During the summer quite a few shows that J and I watched together were cancelled. Many of the shows that he loved were cancelled. These were ones that I’d watch with him and slowly get sucked into. However, I am also faced with the shows that we watched together and having no one to enjoy them with. We would DVR shows and I was in charge of fast-forwarding through commercials. If it looked like I was going too far and wouldn’t stop in time, I’d hear “hey hey!” or “give me that remote” if I was distracted by the laptop. But I often stopped at that perfect moment and would hear him say, “Niiiice”. I miss that.

As bittersweet as the new season is, I’m thankful for the opportunity to find new shows that I can watch that don’t remind me of J. I will still watch our shows. I will still pick out the parts that would get him fired up or make him laugh or the parts that would make me giggle and he would make that smile at me. This new season will remind me of the good but also remind me that time does move on, ready or not.

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