A Happy and Thankful Life

One Tuesday a month

I continue to be thankful for the second Tuesday of the month. There is a younger widows/widowers support group that meets. I forced myself to go to the first meeting, about two and a half weeks after J had passed. To give it a chance. I knew that if I didn’t go then, I wouldn’t ever. And I needed to go.

Today was my third group meeting. While it says “younger”, most of us are 30-60 years-old. But regardless of our differences in age, experience and how our spouse died, there is great understanding . I’ve found comfort and strength in knowing that I’m not the only one who has experienced certain things. They get it. They understand what I’m trying to say. We cry and then laugh with tears in our eyes. We share stories and ask for advice.  I’ve left the meetings drained but refreshed in knowing that I’m not alone.

Tonight, the facilitator said something in regards to what I’ve been struggling with. J was in my life for six years. And I loved him for pretty much all of those six years. Yet, I continue to struggle with the magnitude of my grief when his family and best friend knew him for decades longer than I did. The facilitator said that our heart doesn’t know time, years, or comparisons. It only knows the depth of love. We can’t compare our grief to another person’s grief. He was loved by many people in many different ways. Everyone’s feelings are valid and important. I shouldn’t downgrade my grief for another’s. There are no comparisons. This was what my heart needed.

I can’t talk more about the meeting as we are asked to be confidential to respect the other members of the group. I will say that the kindness of the other people is overwhelming. I hope that I can one day be equally kind and thoughtful to others in the same situation.

After the meeting tonight, I watched a video through Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation  that reminded me  things said earlier. “Grief is not a problem that can be solved but a journey that must be walked.”  As the facilitator says often, it takes as long as it takes.

I’m thankful for a group that is welcoming and understanding. There is comfort in knowing that I’m not alone and that my thoughts and feelings are normal.

I am not alone.

“When the walls fall all around you, when your hope has turned to dust, let the sound of love surround you, beat like a heart in each of us.” -Sugarland



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